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Being nice may bring you friends, but does it help or harm you in your career? After all, research by Timothy Judge and colleagues shows a negative relationship between a person’s agreeableness and income. Research by Amy Cuddy has shown that warm people are perceived to be less competent, which is likely to have negative career implications. People who buck social rules by treating people rudely and getting away with it tend to garner power. If you are civil you may be perceived as weak, and ignored or taken advantage. Being kind or considerate may be hazardous to your self-esteem, goal achievement, influence, career, and income. Over the last two decades we have studied the costs of incivility–—and the benefits of civility. We’ve polled tens of thousands of workers across industries around the world about how they’re treated on the job and the effects. The costs of incivility are enormous. Organizations and their employees would be much more likely to thrive if employees treated each other respectfully. Many see civility as an investment and are skeptical about the potential returns. Porath surveyed of hundreds across organizations spanning more than 17 industries and found that a quarter believe that they will be less leader-like, and nearly 40 percent are afraid that they’ll be taken advantage of if they’re nice at work. Nearly half think that is better to flex your muscles to garner power.

Score and Reward Civility

One surefire way to communicate how much you value civility is to directly evaluate interpersonal skills or emotional competence. If performance evaluations suffer as a result of poor ratings tied to this, employees will be more motivated to improve. At one Fortune 50 technology firm, bosses downgrade the employee performance if he or she falls short on the how. They did this with a superstar who was great at the what, but ‘‘left dead bodies in the wake.’’ Forthe most potentimpact,these evaluations must be tied to meaningful financial incentives and career progression decisions. At Gore, peer ratings of contributions and living the values are tied to career progression. Atlaw firms we have worked with, uncivil partnersrefused to change their behavior until it hit their pocketbook (through reduced shares).